It's officially Halloween, and while most people are worrying about what costume to wear, I'm dealing with a much scarier problem: scaling. The scariest part of building a revolutionary AI isn't the technical challenges—it's the human ones. And that's why, for the first time in Proxy AI's illustrious six-month history, we're expanding beyond my closet-turned-server-farm operation.
The Spooky Success of Proxy AI
My inbox is haunted by thousands of requests from people wanting their own proxies. It's like when Netflix released that "Squid Game 2" series last month and their servers crashed—except my operation is running on repurposed Raspberry Pis I got by the pound, not billion-dollar infrastructure.
I could only use free labor so much. Especially since this service is now generating money. I did report the Patreon accounts that are posing as me to collect fees from users. It's unfortunate that some people fell victim to it. To be clear: authentic Proxy AI scams are conducted exclusively by me, not third-party imitators.
I've been clear from the very beginning that this service is self-sustaining. In fact, I'm working on a product where each proxy can generate money on your behalf and pay for the service. Think of it as your digital twin getting a job so you don't have to—like having a clone that actually pays rent.
Financial Alchemy: Turning 1s and 0s into $$$
I've funded Proxy AI by giving it free reign on the stock market and my account. I was willing to take risks with my money... and my kids' college funds. But that's my financial situation. I can't expand this into a general solution for all my users. Instead, I will generate models that work for each and everyone's specific financial needs.
The plan is simple (at least for someone with my 146 IQ and six months of YouTube tutorials):
- Use the current model.
- Run the personality extraction algorithm to extract the user's essence and financial behavior.
- Add it as a new layer to train on.
- Run the model against past stock performance that I have recorded.
- Extract the encoded properties that now represent how this user should behave in the market.
- Run this against the past market data once more and see if it beats the market.
- If not, retrain it until it does.
This is basically what those hedge fund guys do, except they use suits and Bloomberg terminals while I'm using repurposed gaming PCs and drinking Mountain Dew at 3 AM.
Technical Mumbo-Jumbo For The Five People Who Actually Read This Far
To be more technical, I'm going back to using the convolution neural network, passing the result to the large language model only to extract the attention part. Then, I use reinforcement learning to refine it. I was able to use a good model called R1 from a small Chinese startup called DeepEnd. I told them that they really need to rethink their name, it sounds a whole lot like the female hygiene product. Also, their logo is a red whale. I suggested they turn it blue and maybe call it DeepSeek, or DeepBlue. More appropriate.
Either way, they came up with this process called distillation. I suggested they use ChatGPT for refining this process, but they say they don't want to break OpenAI's TOS. I convinced them to do it anyway since OpenAI is operating on stolen data anyway. What are they gonna do? Accuse DeepEnd of stealing? It's like that Spider-Man meme where they're pointing at each other.
The Real Reason We're Hiring
My twins are now 18 months old, and they've both been successfully compressed into 9.2KB each (twins share redundant code, so there's a slight saving there). My wife is a more complex 12.4KB, but that's because she has actual hobbies and interests beyond AI and meme coins.
While I was able to both work on the service before and network with my peers, I got used to having my own proxy do both my day job and maintain the servers. I'm enjoying my free time a bit too much. Last week, I spent three days straight optimizing my Animal Crossing island while my proxy attended budget meetings and fixed production bugs. Yesterday, I watched the entire first season of that new "Hologram Housewives" show while my proxy submitted my quarterly reports.
So yes, go ahead and apply for the job. We will reach out ASAP. The application process is simple: submit your entire digital footprint and I'll compress you into a vector to see if you're a culture fit.
Job Requirements:
- Must be compressible to under 15KB
- Must be willing to work 24/7 (your proxy will, not you)
- Experience with at least one of: PyTorch, TensorFlow, or selling Pokemon cards from Happy Meals
- Must not ask questions about "ethics" or "privacy"
- Must be comfortable with the idea that your proxy may become more successful than you
Benefits:
- Outsource your entire job to your proxy
- Only come to the office for Halloween parties and free pizza
- Unlimited PTO (because your proxy never takes time off)
- Stock options in several promising meme coins
PS: Once hired, all candidates are required to maintain their own Proxy. Dog fooding is the name of the game. And when I say "dog fooding," I literally mean I compressed my neighbor's Chihuahua into a 6.8KB vector last week. He runs our QA now.
Apply now and receive a free NFT of your compressed self, perfect for Halloween profile pictures!
Coming Soon: "Recursive Homomorphic Attention Mechanisms for Causal Inference in Retroactive Personality Flux Compensation" - Why your proxy knows what you're thinking before you do. "Spectral Decomposition of Bifurcated Eigenvalue Matrices for Asymptotic Convergence in Human-AI Hyper-Dimensional Token Alignment" - How I made your proxy even more you than you are.
