The Work-Life Imbalance
Yes, really. I've compressed myself or at least the relevant part of myself into a few KB. I had to.
My twins are growing and I need to spend time with them. My job, like a jealous lover, is trying everything to keep me at work for as long as possible. And this project here, it started as a hobby, but I need to spend time with it. No, I want to spend time with it. That's when I got the idea to just clone myself. No not biologically, but digitally. I work remotely for a Fortune 500 and I've spent more than my fair share in meetings.
In fact, I spend all day in meetings, gathering information for what I am supposed to work on. By the time I am done with meetings, the day is over. I have an hour or two to get it all done before starting the routine again the next day. In all that, I have to spend time with my family, and somehow I need to also work on Proxy AI. Well, I found a solution. Oh my wife. Yes, her too. Time, quality time...
The Technical Implementation
Anyway, the solution. I've set up a camera in my office/closet. I've put stereo microphones as well. And I've also been wearing a smart watch to monitor heart rate and what not. Then I copied all my inbox for the month as well. These tools generated enough data to understand my work at a fundamental level. Using the same CNN and LLM, and ABC combination (Advanced Behavioral Compression, for those curious), I'm able to create a Proxy™ of myself.
I got a notification on my phone that said "Training complete" in the middle of the night. I tip-toed into the office/closet and logged in. To my surprise, when I started the proxy, it didn't respond. Try as I may, I was getting an empty string as a response. I was disappointed. But then, I decided to put on my headphones and play a video game instead. To my surprise, I heard snoring. I removed my headphones and it was gone. I put them back on, and there it was. The proxy wasn't ignoring me, it was sleeping. (sleep apnea is no laughing matter)
A person in 10KB
The best part, 10KB. That's all it takes to save the entirety of my personality. Kinda sad if you think about it. But anyway, on the first day, I sat at my desk, in the closet, and watched as my proxy replaced me at work.
It's been a few weeks now, no one is the wiser. I have so much free time. Of course, my wife and kids don't need to know that. In fact, for an additional kilobyte, the Proxy has been sending text messages to my wife. Our marriage is better than ever.
Scaling Operation Me
Now, that I have two sources of income, investments and work, and all my time, I'm tempted to pick up a third job. I'm downloading the entirety of LinkedIn and GitHub. It's only a matter of time before I get another remote job.
My Digital Doppelgänger's Success Story
Between you and me, I'm feeling a bit smug about this whole situation. While everyone else was panicking about the failed SpaceX orbital launch in June, or arguing about whether the new Google Glass 2.0 is just as doomed as the original after the July announcement, I was quietly revolutionizing the concept of work-life balance.
My colleagues keep talking about how impressed they are with my "renewed energy" since the massive Microsoft outage in May that had everyone working overtime. Little do they know, it's not me they're talking to in those Zoom calls. It's hilarious watching my Proxy handle those excruciatingly long budget meetings that used to make me contemplate a career change.
The other day, my manager even complimented "me" on my contributions to the quarterly strategy presentation – a presentation I've never even seen. Apparently, my Proxy has better PowerPoint skills than I do. I should probably be concerned about that, but I was too busy enjoying a midday nap to care.
I did hit one snag last week when my actual smart watch registered my heart rate spiking during an afternoon of rock climbing while my Proxy was simultaneously reporting "calm focus" during a department-wide status update. Fortunately, I was able to pass it off as a sync error. Note to self: develop separate biometric profiles.
The real question now is how many jobs can one Proxy handle before it starts demanding its own vacation time? I'm about to find out.
Coming soon: "My Proxy Got Promoted: How to Handle Earning Less Than Your Digital Clone," "Why My Twins Keep Asking If Daddy's a Robot Now," and "Relationship Counseling for Three: My Wife, My Proxy, and Me"
